How not to run a 20 mile race

Having secured a place in the New York Marathon after five years of being rejected in the ballot, I decided to pick a few long races as preparation. I chose Chester Marathon and in prep for this the South Cheshire 20 miler. This seemed like a really good idea at the time.

What I didn't factor in to this was a two week all-inclusive holiday in Egypt. I did take my trainers with the best intentions but…you know how it goes…40 degree heat, camels on the loose, potential death if you leave the complex, free beer, food four times a day and their treadmill was broken too.

Anyway, I'd entered the race at a bargain price of £11 and it sold out early. Dave Potter said I was lucky to be in it and have the chance to run 20 miles on a Sunday morning, what's better than that?

To make matters worse, I decided that it would be a good idea to have a few beers with my (non-running, beer swilling) mates on the Friday before the race too - Anthony Hall can do it the night before, so why cant I? Carb-loading as Dave Lord always says, what could go wrong?

In prep for the race, the night before I had my usual massive bowl of Cornflakes whilst watching Match of the Day. I then set the alarm for 6:30am - which is the middle of the night for me.

In the blink of an eye the alarm goes off and I re-fuel with three Weetabix, food of champions, washed down with a cup of tea - should have had Lucozade but I like tea.

Quick scout around the house looking for the usual missing kit, rustling plastic bags here and there, much to my sleeping wife's dismay. Where's my Garmin? Hope it's charged. Where's my phone? Hope it's charged. Where's my chest strap? etc, etc. Red shorts on (I need all the help I can get here). Kit sourced, off I go to pick up Autumn Howard as arranged at Seedhill at 7:30am sharp - this is still middle of night for me.

We set off down south to Crewe - a pleasant journey - fairly quiet really, as the normal chatterbox, Autumn, had a new fancy smartphone to keep her occupied and she was mesmerised with that all the way down.

We arrived in good time, at least an hour early, parked up and went to register, etc. Quite a slick set up in the sports centre with lots of hardcore, skinny, fast-looking runners about, all sheltering from the wind and the possibility of rain. I hoped the rain would hold off til at least half way - I hate being cold and wet - but that was the best I could hope for with the forecast.

We lined up, I had a gel and a quick sip of my drink which I'd decided to carry throughout the race, together with my gloves and earmuffs. I knew I'd regret this later but I was cold now. We then made our way to the back of the pack.

Autumn had her race plan 9:30 min/mile til mile 7 and then gradual increase to marathon pace of 9 min/mile or 'a little' faster as she put it. My race plan was simply 'to finish'. Though I had a faint hope of 'around' 3 hours if possible. *shakes head*

Usual health and safety messages from the race director, which I couldn't hear, then the whistle goes and we're off. Starting at the back was supposed to restrict our pace to 9.30 min/mile but we struggled to do any less than 9 min/mile - adrenaline, excitement and three weeks rest meant I felt great for the first 500m.

Constantly checking my Garmin, I kept saying "We're going a bit fast" and we held position with the usual jockeying for position amongst other similar graded runners. My heart rate was at 180bpm, I was clearly struggling, but Autumn was just biding her time and running easy.

I kept up with her til about mile 7, which was just before the race photographer and looking at my photo I was definitely struggling already - red faced and bedraggled - no smiles this time Dave Potter. It was about here I was regretting my decision to use the cycling gloves I'd found in the back of the car and the earmuffs were now a sweaty neck gaiter. I was too hot, grumble, grumble.

Off went Autumn with each step, floating off into the distance till eventually she was out of sight. I thought I was running slower as I was feeling the pace, so I looked at my watch and noticed I was still clocking a steady 9 min/mile, she had just stuck to her plan and 'done one' as planned.

Now I'm probably about a foot taller than Autumn, so I thought if I just raise the pace a little maybe my stride would make up a bit of distance, but being at least seven stone heavier than her - and god did I feel heavy - this tactic was soon ditched. I just held on for as long as I could but remembered being told there was a slight hill a mile 9.

Mile 9 hill arrived quicker than anticipated and the pace went to zero. I had to stop to stretch out legs and ankles - it felt like the start of cramp but was bliss when stretched - I took on another gel and Lucozade - I had planned to use a gel every 20 minutes but forgot to buy any, so I'd borrowed a couple off Autumn - I was doomed before I started this race.

Gradually, I started to ache more and more around the knee area, which reminded me of my ITB issue when I last did Edinburgh Marathon - twang, twang, twang with each left footstep - I called these the angry miles and after 11 miles there's no turning back, you're as far out as you can go and just have to plod on. I decided a run/walk strategy was best and ran as far as I could until I felt I had to walk. Which was about another 100 steps then walk until the pain eased, and repeat. Amazingly, I managed to keep in front of most of the people behind me - I guessed they were struggling like me.

Earlier in the race, Autumn and I had commented on the running gaits of the people in front and how they reminded us of TAC runners with their distinctive running styles. Some had very unusual actions their legs, arms, knees all going in different directions - but nevertheless in front of me at the time - needless to say when I eventually got into the teen miles they all passed me, asking if I was alright - I obviously looked in a bit of a state.

I have to say the marshals and aid stations were aplenty and very enthusiastic too, they all cheered, clapped loudly and lied, saying I was looking good and doing well - I knew different though. At one point, St John's Ambulance gave me an escort on fake rolex their custom made emergency cycles - fortunately another aid station appeared and I managed to ditch them and took full advantage of the jelly babies and wine gums on offer. It made a nice change to the gloopy gels I'd be taking.

Mile 17 came and went, I recognised a few landmarks we had passed on the way out but couldn’t remember if there were any undulations to come. I felt okay just with leaden legs - 2.9999 miles I told myself - less than a Parkrun - I pretended to be running in Towneley with my dog to give me a mental boost but it didn't work, I ended up run/walking/stretching - all the time being past by a few more back markers - where was Big Ron Chappell when I needed him?

Getting more frustrated with everybody's good wishes and concern I plodded on. My heart rate was down to 154 now - which showed me that I wasn't trying hard enough - but my legs just wouldn't work without pain, a sort of constant dull aching pain that you get if you grip something for too long, but in my legs not hand if that makes sense.

More Tarmac miles came and went. Suddenly, over my shoulder a lady BRAT runner (Birmingham Running And Tri I think) asked me a question. I thought she was just saying the usual "Are you okay?" malarkey, but surprisingly she'd said "Can I have your drink?" WTF? She said she had missed the aid station and was parched, so I magnanimously gave her my quarter full Lucozade - doubt it would have done me any good anyway - she then proceeded to sail by reinvigorated by the sugar intake. She finished 12 minutes ahead of me - cheers!

Finally mile 19 came, thank god, it was torture, so near so far, run, walk, run, walk trying to catch the white shirted runner in front of me. I ended up getting passed by a few more people - I thought I must surely be the very last person now. I passed the start line and could see the finish area on the school field to the left. I really tried to run, properly run, the last 500 yards but swiss rolex replica soon as i got to the fence, out of sight of the finish people, I had to stretch my legs out again to be able to finish on the grass. Autumn was there to gave the customary TAC welcome home. It went something like "Come on Simon be quick! I'm freezing and I want a brew!" The poor girl had been waiting over 40 mins alone in the cold wind. Apologies to all TAC as I regularly come in last or thereabouts.

I finished the torturous 20 mile race in 3:30:38 - thank goodness - ankles, knees and quads were all screaming at me. Lesson learned again - don't wing a long race, I must train better and more consistently.

We then headed to race reception and caught the last of the prize presentations – there was some truly fantastic times made - I was almost expecting a wooden spoon. Autumn took advantage of the free cakes whilst I considered the massage tables, but there was a queue and I didn't want to take up anymore time.

The conditions for the whole race were absolutely perfect, overcast with a slight breeze, we couldn't have asked for more. I'll do this race again next year, but I hope my preparation is better. Race direction, joining instructions and overall setup were top class, especially for a bargain price of £11. See you next year SC20 - anybody want to join me www.lightqy.com?