Lakeland 50 3 - 0 Julie Brear

Thoughts, feelings and insights into the 'you don't look like a runner' athlete.

This was my third and final attempt ... if I don't do it this time, that's it!

For the previous two attempts I was woefully under-prepared despite numerous recces with Sharon, Mark and Andy. I had stopped at Kentmere on both occasions and, quite honestly, I think my head took over both times.

It was forgotten about, and I returned to help out at the Blencathra checkpoint with Mick, Chell and the gang last year. I loved it as usual and didn't give much thought to the race spot I was earning by volunteering ... I was going to gift it to another runner.

Then a matter of weeks later a massive life-changing event happened when my brother died, and everything changed.

I was away with David and we both decided I'd keep my spot and focus myself on the Lakeland to try and quell my grief. Things moved on and months passed with myself and my sister tidying and sorting my brother's things.

We move on to January and that can only mean the Spine, so, I was back in a checkpoint with incredible people including the volunteers and we were all standing outside waiting to cheer in the elites. A photographer was there and I told him he must be special getting to come into checkpoint and he confirmed that he was indeed really lucky and excited as he had been commissioned to complete a book of photographs for the Spine.

We carried on chatting and he told me of his other adventures. Then the penny dropped and I realised that the photographer was David Miller who took 'that' photograph of Jasmine Paris at the Barkley Marathons. We had a photo together and I showed him some inside details before he popped off to grab some more pictures. Then Ian Warrington turned up. We'd marshalled at the Spine in the same checkpoint the year before and he was finishing his shift with us at Hebden Hey after looking after the Sprint at Birchcliffe. The Lakeland 50 was mentioned as its the other Montane event and I said I had a spot but honestly it just seemed an impossible task! He said 'well I am coach why don't you email me?'

I got home and thought about it and about a week later lots of emails went back and forth ... negative from me and positive from Ian. He popped me on his list with no mention of money and I was on the final surge. Weekly workouts and coaching were sent through on the app, focusing on getting me running again and I was actually starting to enjoy myself.

With weekly plans there is no looking onto a planner thinking 'I won't be able to do that'. It also meant I was not listening to other people, just trusting in a professional coach who wants the best for all his athletes. Doing for all, not just the elite who'll make him look shiny and brilliant, really is a gift.

With Race Day kits all ready and checked with some essential lifesaving items like Leki Poles from Elizabeth and oodles of support from my family, my Elisha Family and my friends plus my coach Ian.
I was nervous but not petrified like before and I set off slow around the Dalemain loop and then headed off into Pooley Bridge where I saw Chris and got both a power hug and the advice to use my time wisely ... which when you're a back marker makes sense. There was than a really enjoyable bit heading into Howtown and I chatted to the odd person on the way and helped a 100 runner into checkpoint where I filled my bottles and then it was off up Fusedale where the false summits are plain evil. I was making fair progress but it's bloody tough then came the descent into the ferns along the very rocky paths into Mardale Head.

At one point I just thought 'why?' and 'I don't want to be here' but a couple of 100 guys were itching to get past my slow pace so I obliged and, after thanking me, they said 'we're all just here to get to the end' in a lovely Irish accent. I chuckled to myself, it felt like my brother Derrick had spoken to me, so I popped on some tunes to cheer myself along and get through Jurassic Park before the T Rex came for me! It really does feel like forever to get there and once I was there I knew I couldn't dally. I took a couple of minutes on a rock to eat a sandwich when Duncan came up the path to head into the checkpoint looking extremely fresh if not slightly fed up and wanting a power nap. It was lovely to see a friendly face, but it also meant I'd better crack on as it was still daylight and I wanted to try to get to my nemesis checkpoint, Kentmere, the one I was most looking forward to as I knew my Trawden Athletic family would send me on my way. Those cobbles of hell that pave the way are not kind to the feet, as I mentioned to Duncan as he sailed past me after having a power nap - I know proper athlete! Then along to Kentmere I spoke to a lady for a while along coach road, had some encouragement from a couple of other 50 runners and after managing not to hurt myself on the stone stiles I got down the path to Kentmere and the welcome sight of Liz ushering me in feeding me and leaving strict instructions to make sure I was ejected just before she'd finished her shift.

By then darkness had pretty much descended and honestly I've done barely any night running. It's pure graft. No one to talk to, on your own keeping your tired brain switched on to keep navigation up. Then my Garmin died and I had no idea how fast or slow I was going or how many miles it was to the next checkpoint. I had to take my foldie road map out to get to Ambleside because, let's face it, I've not been that far on race day and not alone in the dark trogging up that road and negotiating what feels like a mini forest was tough. I had no music as I needed my phone to tell me the time for checkpoints and made it into Ambleside and nearly got asked to leave as it's 'only for competitors' and I had lost my number. However, I did get some sandwiches despite the confusion and running and eating dry sandwiches I nearly coked to death as Rola Cola helped get it down.

This was around 2-30am and I headed onto Chapel Stile, definitely new territory. Running down the road into Skelwith Bridge and my brain started saying 'are you sure' and 'this doesn't feel right'. I started hesitating and a 100 runner was like 'come on you're right its this way' so a few of us headed to Chapel Stile and I could hear Pip saying 'remember you turn at the mine' then the long road up kinda like that bit got to chapel stile was going to go straight on I thought it had closed but it was an hour to go so toilet and cold custard it was.

Epic. Onwards, the finish in sight I was imagining the sound of the marquee and the medal being draped around my neck, but my little head let me down and instead of curving round I headed through the wrong gate, kept getting the foldie out, panic was starting to set in then a farmer drove past saying 'you're lost aren't you?' and 'are you on the fifty?'.

I confirmed I was on the fifty and he told me my error and off I went.

I think I knew I probably wasn't going to make it, but my aim at this point was to at least get to the unmanned checkpoint so everyone knew I was okay. I was then heading down into where Tilberthwaite was and I was still disorientated as I could remember going up the path with Pip and seeing Elterwater and keeping it on the left. Then a lady was shouting my name and she said she'd come to get me as she had been watching on the tracker. She was the course sweeper and I asked if I could keep my tracker on and go over Tilberthwaite as I needed to finish. I even told her I didn't need a medal, but I did need to complete but she said she was sorry but someone was going to pick us up at Tilberthwaite which was all packed away without a trace.

So close but no cigar, but until next time Lakeland I'm coming for you!!